


Don't Bother To Knock

by ylime620



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Language, One Shot Collection, Romance, Vignette
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-02 18:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10224026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ylime620/pseuds/ylime620
Summary: A series of 1st person vignettes focusing on Margaret's experiences that begin or end with a knock on her tent door. Mostly introspective but there will be some H/M chapters so have fun with those :)





	1. Another Rainy Day in Korea

“There was no possibility of taking a walk that day.” The opening line of _Jane Eyre_ kept running through my mind as I sat in my tent listening to the patter of the rain on the roof. It was another rainy day in Korea, just like many that had come before and many that would come after. The weather matched my mood perfectly.

I had just spent eight hours in surgery next to an unbearably whiny Frank. I knew my engagement had hurt him, but it'd been months and he'd had plenty of time to adjust. And yet there he was, complaining in my ear and insulting my professionalism. If I really had been as unprofessional as he accused I would’ve dropped everything right there and punched him in the face. It seemed to be the only thing to shut him up these days. How in the world could I have ever respected him? His surgical skills were subpar and his love making left a lot to be desired. At least he had learned not to show up at my tent unannounced. My tent had become my sanctuary and I revelled in the solitude.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. _Speak of the devil_ , I thought with a groan. To my surprise, it was actually Hawkeye at the door.

“What do you want?” I asked, annoyed that anyone had interrupted my few quiet moments alone.

“Here.” He handed me a package.

“What’s this?”

“I’m delivering the mail today.”

“No, you’re not. I already got mine from Radar. Why are you out in this rain?”

I really had no idea what he was doing. And why did he look so solemn?

“It’s from your parents.”

“Both of them?” Mother and Dad had been divorced for years. I didn’t think they had seen each other since they had separated. 

“In a way.”

“What the hell is going on Hawkeye? What aren’t you telling me?”

“I think you better open it first.”

“Fine.” I roughly grabbed the package out of his hands. My heart skipped a beat when I read the word ‘hospital’ on the return address.

“Maybe I should go,” he said, turning away. 

“No, come inside. If this is what I think it is, I’ll need the company.”

We both walked inside and sat down. I stared at the package in my hand.

“I don’t think it’ll explode,” he joked.

“No, but I might.”

“Good point.”

I took a deep breath and tore open the box. There was a note on top in my mother’s handwriting:

           

_Dearest Margaret,_

_I hate to send you something like this with no warning, but there wasn’t time._

_He said he_ _wanted you to have this. I know in his own harsh way he loved you._

_I’ll try to call soon. I miss you, sweetie._

_All my love,_

_Mother_

I sat there, not daring to look inside the box. What in the world would he have left me? With my luck it would turn out to be army boots or something else practical.

“I can’t believe it.”

“Are you ok?”

“Not really.” I shared the note from my mother with him.

“I’m so sorry.” He sat beside me on the bed.

I looked down at the package. I finished unwrapping it and gasped. It was a beautiful jewlery box that I had never seen before. I lifted the lid and a sweet melody started to play. My eyes filled up with tears. It was one of the loveliest things I had ever seen. There was another note inside. I passed it to Hawkeye because I could barely see through my tears.

“This belonged to your grandmother. I had planned to give it as a wedding present, but things don’t always go as planned, do they? From Dad.”

It was the most loving thing he had ever done for me and now he was gone.

“He wasn’t a great dad, you know.”

“So you’ve mentioned.”

“But he’s the only one I had. I just wish I knew if he was proud of me.”

“I’m sure he was. Besides, no one gives gifts like this to people they’re ashamed of.”

“Thanks.” I smiled softly. “I’m glad you’re the one who delivered it. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with Frank today.”

“You’re welcome, Major.” He stood up. “Well, you probably want to be alone right now.”

“If you don’t mind.” I walked him to the door. "Thanks again.” I stood up on my tiptoes and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

He smiled. “I’ll see you later.” 

He turned around and walked back into the rain.


	2. Scrabble Night

_Scrabble Night_

We were all enjoying some down time in the Officers' Club. Well, everyone except Frank, that is. I assume he was back in the Swamp, crying into his Bible or something. Anyways, Hawkeye and I had been sitting next to each other playing Scrabble against BJ and Radar. It was hardly a fair fight, but our opponents were holding their own. Eventually, Hawkeye and I emerged victorious, to the surprise of no one in the bar. Hawkeye bought drinks for the table to celebrate and put a few coins in the jukebox. We sat there joking and laughing for a little while, when 'You Belong to Me,' one of my favorites, started to play.*

"I haven't heard that song in ages," I told Hawkeye. "It's one of my favorites."

"I know," he replied. He stood up and held out his hand. "I was hoping you would want to dance to it."

"Well who am I to turn down such a tempting offer?" I smiled. I took his hand and he pulled me onto the dance floor. It's rather a slow song, so he took a chance and pulled me close.

"You're looking lovely tonight."

"Hawkeye…" I warned gently.

"Relax. I know what you're going to say and believe me, you don't have to worry. It was just a compliment."

"Well then, thank you," I replied. "I'd like to congratulate you as well, doctor. Your Scrabble skills are only slightly less impressive than your surgical ones."

He smiled. "Why thank you, major. It seems we make a pretty good team."

"It seems we do," I agreed.

We danced for a while longer until the song ended. As we walked back to the table I noticed everyone had left.

"So besides Scrabble, what other mostly useless hidden talents do you possess?" I asked.

"I'm excellent at charades."

"Really? I wouldn't think you had the self control to stay quiet that long," I teased.

"Be careful who you underestimate. It could come back to haunt you." He smiled.

I was surprised at how well we were getting along. Without Frank whining in my ear all the time, Hawkeye had become tolerable. He was even fun to be around sometimes. I had started spending a lot of time with him - maybe too much for an engaged person.

We continued talking and had a few more drinks. The jukebox was still playing on repeat so he asked me to dance with him again. This time we danced a bit slower and he pulled me even closer.

The alcohol must've helped me let down my defenses because for a few minutes I completely forgot I was engaged. I leaned into his embrace and listened to his heartbeat for a few seconds. Looking back, I feel kind of silly because I never danced like that with Donald.

A few minutes later the song ended and the bar went completely quiet.

"I suppose we should go."

"That's probably a good idea."

Hawkeye walked me to my tent. The drinks seemed to boost his confidence and he kissed me suddenly. He caught me by surprise and I instinctively reached out to pull him closer until I realized what was happening. I pulled away quickly and practically slammed the door in his face. He stood there stunned before he turned and walked away, confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *You Belong to Me - Patsy Cline (I really like her version, even if it is anachronistic.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDtF3GGdKYk


	3. Familiar Moments

 

I was alone in my tent when there was a knock at the door. I saw Hawkeye standing outside and told him to come in.

"I need help."

"With what?"

"There's a patient in post op who's asking to see you and won't tell anyone else what he needs."

_Oh boy,_ I thought. _It's probably another crush._

It happened more often than I wanted it too. The boys got so lonely sometimes and they tended to fall in love with the first pretty girl they saw. I wasn't trying to sound vain, there were lots of other nurses more beautiful than I was, but I was the one who was there the most. It was sweet sometimes, but also frustrating, especially when I had to push them away. Not even the engagement ring on my finger deterred some of them.

"I'm on my way," I said reluctantly. I followed Hawkeye across the camp and into post op.

"It's that young man over there with the shoulder injury."

_He's kinda cute_ , I noticed. _Also a little bit familiar. Wait…_

"Jimmy?"

"Hey Mags."

"What are you doing here?"

"I joined up a few months ago."

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, the doctor says I'll be leaving in a day or two."

My heart fell at the thought of him leaving so soon. I hadn't seen Jimmy since we were kids, but our parents had kept in touch. Our families had been so close. His parents were my godparents and he was like a cousin to me. Korea was the last place I expected to find him. The last place I _wanted_ to find him.

"Hawkeye." I motioned him over. "I'd like you to meet Jimmy Malone, the proverbial boy next door."

"Well, not literally next door because our families moved around a lot, but close enough," Jimmy added.

"Nice to meet you, Jimmy. For a while there we were worried about your fixation on the major here. It's good to know we don't need to call out the MPs."

"Hawkeye!" I scolded. "He's always like this. The only thing he takes seriously is surgery, and even then it's hard to tell for sure," I apologized to Jimmy.

"How dare you suggest that I'm a professional. If you're not careful, you could ruin my reputation," Hawkeye teased.

"That's the plan," I retorted. _This is fun_ , I thought. At some point Hawkeye had become a friend and it made me happy to be able to introduce him to one of my old friends.

"Well, I'll leave you two to reminisce," he said as he got up and walked away.

"Looks like I've got some competition." Jimmy winked.

"What are you talking about?"

"That handsome doctor seems to have his eye on you."

"He's like that with all the nurses." I pointed across the room to where he was flirting with Lt. Able.

"Mm hm," he said skeptically.

I took another look at Hawkeye. He really was quite attractive. I mean, that wasn't the first time I had noticed, but it was the first time someone else had suggested that there might be something more.

"Leave it alone, Jimmy."

"Ok, sweetheart."

"And don't call me that. Someone might overhear and that could be damaging to my authority." I was legitimately concerned. I knew gossip had already started to spread.

I could tell Jimmy was starting to get tired, so I left him a few minutes later.

As I was leaving, Hawkeye pulled me aside. "I need to talk to you."

"Ok."

"Let's go somewhere quiet."

"Ok."

We both walked outside and stopped in front of my tent.

"Jimmy's sick."

"Well obviously, he's in a hospital."

"No. He's not just injured. He's sick."

My heart sank. I had just found something familiar in this hell of a place and now even that was being taken from me.

"So what is it? Hepatitis? Pneumonia? Chicken Pox?" I prayed it was something curable.

"Cancer."

_Shit. Fuck. Goddamit._

My legs buckled and Hawkeye reached out a hand to steady me.

"It's lung cancer. The late stages of it too."

"Have you told him?"

"You're the only one who has talked to him so far."

Well at least he hadn't told me before I saw Jimmy. There's no way I could've hidden the pain from my face. I pride myself on professionalism, but some moments were even too much for Major Margaret Houlihan to handle.

"And you want _me_ to tell him? He thinks he's getting out of here in a few days."

"I'll be there with you, but we've been through this before. It needs to come from someone he trusts."

"Ok." I turned away. "I need some time."

"Take all you need."

"Ok."

Hawkeye left. I went inside my tent, sat down and cried. It took a lot to make me cry, and always when I'd lost something or someone. This time I found someone _and_ lost them in the same day.


	4. The Night is Dark

_The Night Is Dark_

Nov 5 1952             

 

I spent last night on the floor. 

I don't know why, but it was the only position I could fall asleep in. Maybe it had something to do with drinks or maybe it's just how things are now. Charles and I shared a very nice bottle of wine last night. Somehow, he had seen through my usual “mask” and offered me an ear to turn to. It was a much more sincere offer than that time he reluctantly offered to share his gloves with me. He's gotten more bearable in the last few months and he's certainly the best person to talk to about intellectual matters. Apart from nursing, I'm not very educated or sophisticated. My math is terrible, I have little knowledge of history, and this journal is the extent of my writing experience. But I love poetry, and Charles has been so encouraging and a “major” resource for my discovery. He’s a relief to be around. I feel no pressure to impress him or flirt with him like I do with a certain other surgeon.

Spending time with Hawkeye is fun, but often exhausting. Charles is just kind of there. It’s amazing how much I’ve told him. BJ seems like the obvious choice if I’m looking for advice, but turning to Charles is less intimidating. BJ’s judgy. I love him to pieces, but his life revolves around his family, and sometimes I get annoyed at how he thinks having/starting a family is the cure-all. “Just admit your feelings and have a bunch of babies,” is a good summary of his most recent conversation with me.

As a result, Charles has become my default confidant. The conversation only goes one way, though. Charles is still a mystery, even as he’s become a friend. 

Since our trip to the 8063rd, which ended less than ideally, my sleep has been nearly nonexistent. Hawkeye and I turned to each other, and it was comforting and distracting, but it still didn’t erase the horror of actually being behind enemy lines as shelling shook the floor. I liked the feeling of his arms around me, but even that couldn’t have saved me if an explosion had come too close.

And so, I find myself pouring out my fears to Charles, whether he wants to hear them or not.

Hawkeye came to visit the night we got back. He just makes everything so complicated. Nothing is ever easy with him. It’s such hard work to stay friends with him. I can’t even imagine trying to be more. The only reason we get along is because we have to. My feelings get all jumbled up around him.

I’ve discovered Charles is the only person I can trust with my secrets - because he doesn’t care.

I’ve said it before, but BJ is too close to Hawkeye to remain objective. I know he’s meddled in our relationship. If he weren’t such a darn good person, I might push him away like I tried to do with Trapper.

The nights have been longer than usual lately. Last night was particularly difficult. Hawkeye had been making me uncomfortable all day with his attention. I’ve agreed to be friends, but I’m confused by my feelings and need some space. It’s hard to find space in a small army camp.

I had finally found some time and space alone last night, but there was a knock at my door. I opened it, surprised to see that it was Charles. He’s been extremely observant lately. He held up a bottle of wine and a few records.

“I thought you might like to share.” 

I invited him in and he sat down. 

“Thanks,” I said as I set the wine on the table and grabbed two glasses. 

“Since you have decided to start dumping your feelings on me, I have decided that I might as well try to enjoy myself as you ramble on.”

“Oh, so you’re not just sharing out of the goodness of your heart?” 

He laughed. “My dear Margaret, since when have you known me to do anything out of the goodness of my heart?”

He sat there listening for ages as I complained about Hawkeye, Donald, and the fact that somehow “Hot Lips Houlihan” had caught feelings for the men in her life. Complicated feelings. We drank the wine and listened to Mozart and Debussy. He even agreed to sit through one of my Ella Fitzgerald albums. He left a few hours later and I was left alone with the bottle of wine.

I hate losing control, but I finished the bottle myself. Wine always makes the sadness worse, so I just sat on the floor and cried myself to sleep. I just feel so alone these days. My husband is having an affair, I had sex with a colleague I don’t like, and the only person I can turn to shares nothing about himself.

And so, I woke up on the floor this morning.


End file.
